Mental game

I had a 5k yesterday.  I signed up for it awhile ago not thinking I would get sick the week before.  I didn't run all week and hardly worked out.  Since I started running I have gotten faster each run and have found the athlete/runner/competitor in me.  So I was pretty bummed when I came down with a wicked cold/sore throat crud on Monday.  Everytime I tried to go for a run I was just exhausted and it was super cold out.  So here comes saturday and I haven't run and spent most of friday night coughing.  But I had told a work friend I would meet them there and I had already paid for it.  So I figured I would just make a go of it.  I really wanted every 5k this summer to get faster and faster and knew that wasn't a guarantee after a week off and feeling icky.  But off I went and my first mile was my fastest one in a race so far, that made me a little worried I would die but I kept pushing.  I was waiting to check my time for mile 2 but the mile marker never came and then there was the finish line, I tried to sprint it in as much as I could and when I finished, only 12 seconds slower than the week before.  I was pretty happy, I thought I was pretty heavy on my feet.  If mile marker 2 would have been out there I think I might have actually been able to beat my time.  But I'm just happy that I ran it and was about the same speed.

What this tells me is that sometimes you need to play the mental game.  I knew I couldn't lose all my training in a week, but also knew I wasn't in the best health to be a rockstar.  But sometimes you just have to believe in yourself  and dig deep.  

I bought this bracelet and another at the Hot Chocolate 15/5k expo last month.  I love them so much I bought my mom one for Mother's Day.  They are super comfy and while I'm running I look down and have a little extra motivation.  Best part is the company was started by two active moms, check it out Momentum www.designsthatmoveyou.com

Morning workouts - HELP!

How do you get up in the morning to run?

Help, I'm not a morning person and I want to get some/more workouts in before work, because at the end of the day I am sometimes too tired or working too late to get in a run.  Anyone out there "not a morning person" like me?  What do you do?  How do you do it?

Race for the Cure on Mother's Day

The first time I did this run/walk event I was moved to tears to see all the people racing in memory of their moms, daughters, and wives. Just everyone supporting loved ones, it is so inspirational. Even today I teared up a few times. I'm beating myself up because I want to lose weight faster and I see two young kids with their dad, motherless. It really makes me thankful for what I have right now in my life. I'm so thankful to have my mom. 

The Run:  I got to the starting area five minutes before the start so no warmup jog or stretching. Just tying the shoes and getting ready to go. The first mile was a lot of weaving but I still ran a 10:03 mile which I was happy with. The next mile I tried to maintain my speed and pushed out a 9:50. I was so tired and wanted to stop at this point. But I knew I could finish and keep that pace. I just had to play the mental game. I kept telling myself I'm fighting to lose weight, some people here are fighting for their lives. Be strong and finish this. I managed to still get in my finish line sprint and when I looked at my watch and saw 30:15 I just started crying. I was so happy. When I started to run again back in March it was my goal to go under 30 minutes by September and today May 11th I am so close. 

I am proud that I have lost 44 pounds this year and I know that makes running easier but I really get emotional when I see my improvement in running. I use to be a great runner and let myself go and thought for 4 plus years I would never run under 10 minute miles and today I averaged 9:45. I'm just so excited to keep pushing to get lighter and faster. I believe in myself and I know that runner is in there and she is coming through again. 

So an emotional day for me, but a great one that I spent the whole day with my phenomial mom. Happy another's Day to everyone out there. 

You know what is pushing me to lose weight, so what is your motivation to lose weight?

Isn't this the truth?

Rain Rain Go Away

Not sure where everyone else lives but the midwest, especially Minnesota has been a miserable place to live the past two weeks, just rainy and gross.  It has really messed with my running outside.  I am not a treadmill runner, I mean I can do intervals of running and walking just fine but when I run at the same speed on the treadmill as outside after 5 minutes I feel like I have ran 8 miles and I'm exhausted, it stinks when I look down and it has been 5 minutes.  Anyone else feel that way about running on a treadmill?  I just can't get my stride down and don't enjoy it.

So this weekend is my first 5k since the Hot Chocolate one in April, it looks like it is going to be the same kind of cold weather.  I'm nervous because I haven't gotten in as many runs as I would like and have had to supplement eliptical training.  Although I'm still so far from my weight loss goal I am a runner deep down and a competitor so I don't want to let myself down.  I love doing 5ks because there is always someone around for you to chase down, everyone can be competitive no matter there speed and that's awesome.

I know I might be slower for the run, but I do the walk after that with my family and being a part of Race for the Cure is so inspirational no matter what size and weight you are.  Just seeing all those people there supporting breast cancer research is very touching.  It really makes me put things in perspective.  I may be overweight and struggling to lose pounds, but I'm alive and otherwise pretty darn healthy.  I'm not fighting for my life like many people are.  It makes me be thankful for everyday and be proud of what I've done so far because you never know what tomorrow holds.

What are you thankful for right now in your weight loss journey or in life?

Making it public

So we have all made those New Year's resolutions to lose weight, I mean I think that has been mine at least 8 or 9 times and I'm 32.  But this year at Christmas I was at my new heaviest weight ever and I didn't want to be in any pictures or even do anything with my family and friends because I was so ashamed of how much weight I had gained.  So quietly before New Years I told myself this is it.  You have to make it happen.  I knew it was my fault I got so big and it was going to be my job to make it right.  I jumped on the scale and cried a little when I wrote down the number I saw but I said come January 1st we are making a lifestyle change.  I didn't tell anyone this time, I didn't take any before pictures, any body measurements.  I wanted to keep it simple and not put so much pressure on myself to fail.

Well it's May 8th and I've lost 44 pounds.  I have a lot more story to tell about the past few months but I wanted to put myself out there to maybe help others that are trying to make changes in their life and to get inspiration from others.  I finally am having people tell me how great I look and how they can tell I've lost weight.  I see it too, but I don't see that big of a difference.

I've always been active and loved to exercise but I lost my passion the more I gained weight.  My biggest problem with losing weight has been my horrible diet.  I have managed the past 4 plus months to keep myself in check with my eating, not buying the junk food that I want to stuff down my throat right before bed.  It's a daily struggle.  I'm starting my blog now because I'm scared, scared I won't get to my goal weight, scared I'll always see myself as the fat girl I let myself become.  I see myself at the gym and all the skinny girls and wonder if I'll ever get to that point.

I know I should be proud of how far I have come and I am, I have never lost this much weight before and I know that.  But I still am embarrassed I ever got so heavy and hate the looks I still get from the skinny girls at the gym, at the bar, wherever.  Don't they know how hard I have worked to get here.  Don't they know I don't want to be this way and I am trying so hard?